4 Things I would say to my ex

Strong women are that way for a reason. No matter how many times life knocks you over, you make the decision to get back up again and fight. “Cry a river. Build a bridge. Move on.” It’s difficult to admit that you were wrong. It’s difficult to build from the broken pieces. Yet you pull yourself together and move on. Life lesson. True story.

The truth is that divorce is a double edged sword of pain and peace. It was painful because the person you spoke to everyday is now gone. It was peaceful because all of the fighting was finished. You fight no more and it feels great.

If I ever saw my ex again, I would tell him these 4 things:

  1. I’m better off without you.
  2. Thank you for the good times.
  3. Thank you for showing me what I don’t want in a partner.
  4. I’m happy now.

(Drops mic, shrugs and walks away)





I can not even see my tattoos. Why? Because they are on my back. I put them there so I could hide them from my parents…but I ended up hiding them from myself. Go figure.

I got them in my first semester at university. No parents permission needed. My boyfriend at the time funded me. I went to the parlour with my new best friend. Actually it was in the hair dresser salon in town. The artist’s name was Troy and he was cute. My friend and I decided to get our zodiac signs. Mine is Aquarius. We were so afraid that it would hurt. We heard the stories of how to make sure that the needles were sterilised. We heard the stories of how they were not acceptable in Christian circles. We heard the stories of tattoos that went wrong.

No lie. It hurt at first. But once I got used to the needle it started to tickle. I put the first tattoo on my lower back. More tattoos came after that. The trend at the time was to have a rose in the centre of the lower back. For the pants at that time were a low-waist style. I had two jeans that would have complimented that tattoo. The first one had silver studs from the hip to the bottom of the pant leg. The second jeans was laced up at the front. Really sexy.

The second tattoo was difficult for two reasons. The red rose had to be redone because I did not hold colour well. Also the rose was around my spine. Anyone who has had a tattoo knows the discomfort which is experienced when the needles come into contact with a bone. It is recommended that tattoos be done on fleshy areas of the body.

Yet I went on to get another tattoo. My third tattoo was about music, my greatest love. The only problem I had with it was the size. It was the smallest tattoo I ever had and it was on my shoulder blade. After that I stopped getting tattoos. The appeal had gone and they were getting to be quite costly.

Why did I get tattoos? I was at a rebellious stage in my life. I wanted to do something memorable. I wanted to say I have been there and done that. It was all about me. Today they are faded pictures…memories of a past that I enjoyed but that is not my reality. I would not want to remove them and I would not want to have another one because that stage of rebel is gone and all that is left is peaceful contentment and understanding.

Free Yourself

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” Psalms 55:22

I overthink. It’s part of the introvert than resides within me. So many thoughts swirl around in my head: about my children, my career, my academic pursuits, my love life… What I’ve learnt and continue to reasons within myself is that I am a cheerful, spontaneous and independent woman. My purpose is to live life day by day and try not to worry about tomorrow. psalm-55-22-large

My determined heart and strong willed personality has taught me some life lessons in the spheres of thought in which I engage from time to time. First off there is nothing wrong with deep thinking. There just needs to be a balance of the time where self evaluation needs to be entertained. I read somewhere that mental development comes from certain activities such as baking, knitting, sketching and writing. These activities and more encourage creativity. This creativity is within us and it needs to be activated on a regular basis. define myself

I am a strict mother at times. My sons are afraid to disappoint me and they adore my mother. It is only when you become a parent that you truly appreciate your parents and the sacrifices which they made for you back in the day. Your children behave as how you used to behave when you were a child and everything just goes through a cyclical transformation. Trust in the future they will understand you when they have children of their own. My thoughts become pre-occupied with having more children. Some have reasoned that in this day and age it may be impractical. Some have noted that I am still young and could go again. Then I wonder could I go through that again… and I remember Psalms 55:22.

It is difficult for me to picture myself as anything but a teacher. If they was ever a job to which I was more suited…teaching is it. Discovery learning is my passion. Grades are not everything but the effort taken is what matters to me. For instance, if I have a student who regurgitates everything that is written in book and gets a good grade, I am proud for that student has mastered the skills of knowledge and comprehension. In a similar vein I am elated when the student takes initiative and applies the acquired knowledge to create something outstanding. Do I think about my students? Of course…and I remember Psalms 55:22.

Ironically, my academic pursuits are linked with being a mom and a teacher and my love life. I am at a crossroads in my life which makes the Japanese proverb fall down 7 times get up 8, ring true. On the one hand I could hand in my letter of withdrawal and continue when the children are older and I am more established within my career. On the other hand I can work at it steadily and steadfastly, trying to break it down into manageable pieces. It sounds reasonable… and I remember Psalms 55:22.

Armed with the intent to lay all excuses down, I claim success and hold on to it in all aspects of life: physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. Life is about creating myself. Leave the past behind and set goals. Break down these goals into quarterly goals and track the progress week by week. List everything which is needed to accomplish these goals such as skills and contacts. Create a vision board and begin a journal. This should be accomplished in the first week of the month.

comfort zone

In the second week, wake up 30 minutes earlier to have a morning routine to jumpstart the days filled with tasks. Adopt a nightly ritual and minimise T.V watching. Embark on a social cleanse…which will be difficult but necessary for overall well being. In the third week, meditate five minutes a day in order to exercise the mind as well as the body. Also try the Pomodoro technique in which tasks are split into 25 minute segments. After the first three Pomodoros, take a five minute break to relax after each one. After the fourth Pomodoro, take a 30 minute break to relax the mind. Also keep in mind that it is essential to do the problem tasks first.


In the fourth and final week, focus more on reading and listening to podcasts. There will be a quest for a professional mastermind whose dialogue will assist in moving forward in your chosen career. Also do one thing that is outside of your comfort zone. Finally encourage acts of kindness. This growth challenge taken from Goalcast will ensure that the year will follow along the lines of Psalms 55:22.

A near and dear friend of mine asked me before he left on a long journey of self awareness: What do you want in life? Here is what I have so far… For my love life I want a partner who gives me passion, honesty, loyalty, effort and time. This person must make me smile and make me feel as I am a priority. In return that same description is what I will give my partner. There is no hurry and we do not have to worry because I remember Psalms 55:22. To cast all of my anxiety, fear and worry on the Lord and He will hold me up because He never lets His children fall and that is a promise. God always keeps His promises.

10 principles in life