I’m about to make the biggest leap of faith in my life. God has come through for me: when the bills needed to be paid, when I needed food for my children, when I needed strength for raising my children, when I needed to get through the long stressful day at work, when I needed a little break from life. God was right there beside me. So I will continue to live life in perfect love and fear no man. For God is in control. No matter how life turns out for better or worse, in sickness and in health, God is the constant that remains.
There are some life changing decisions which will occur soon in my life. My heart is beating so fast with anticipation that it may just about leap out of my chest. To sum it up: my life has not gone the way that I have expected. I expected to be the wife and mother with a career and house and car. Well all of those expectations have been blown away with a gentle breath of kindness. I’m living a life full of reckless abandon in service to God. Life is turning out better than I expected. No more am I saying that I can’t do this or that this is out of reach. I’m saying that I believe that I can do this and that I’m not going to worry about a thing because God is there. He has never left and He will never leave me.
I’m changing into a non-judgemental person who is content with doing good for other people for the rest of my life. My time with God has revealed so much within me that needs work and I am having a blast in the journey. Yes at times I am irritated at certain discoveries and then I remind myself that this is all in the refining process, the polishing process, the move towards maturity. I read somewhere that “youth is when you learn and age is when you understand”. In this stage of my life I am happy to be learning and understanding all at the same time.
I used to worry all of the time. But when I worry, I transform it into an opportunity to pray to God.
…have you trials and temptations, is there trouble anywhere, you should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer…
I used to be angry. Now I keep still and wait for I remember that an angry word uttered at the wrong moment can do monumental damage. I used to think that I was not physically good enough. Now I am assured of beauty within and without. God’s love is beautiful. I used to worry about love and being loved but I appreciate all of the love around me for I choose to be grateful. I used to care about what people thought about me, until I realised it’s none of my business and that my life is between God and me. The closer I get to God, everything else pales in comparison. It is not my place to tell anyone that they are wrong and I am right. My duty is to live my life of service to God and others, using the talents He has graciously given to me.
Now life is not always a bed of roses. I appreciate the difficult times for without them I would have never known what the good life feels like. I love the uneasy times, the bumps in the road and all of the other clichés used to refer to them for they expose my weaknesses and that gives me an opportunity to depend on God for everything, to surrender every facet of my life to him: my children, my career, my desires, my needs and my dreams. These are transformed into God’s great design as I do His will and not my own, every day for the rest of my life.
Yes I made it through and I continue to make it through life. My journey is not over. It is beginning over and over each day as this life is a constant attitude of forgiveness, compassion and reconciliation. Therefore, I keep on trying and refuse to fail as I embody my primary school’s motto: Love God, Aim High, Keep Pure.